Stereotypes or Experiences?

I have yet to ever speak about anything that isn't related to fashion on this blog yet, my last blog I spoke about everything under the sun, I was a bit more open and relaxed maybe I'll make this a lifestyle blog with articles here and there. So I am going to speak on relationships and the stereotypes or for some experiences that come with them.

Now being a black Nigerian-American female in her mid-twenties, I have often heard guys that are a good 'catch' whatever that may mean; bash women of their own race. Then I meet females that tend to bash men of their own race and culture and I start to wonder, are these opinions based on stereotypes or experiences? I personally never dated outside of my race, I have dated only Nigerians and one African-American in high school, I didn't seek to date only Black men I dated what I was around, because I do find men of other races attractive. However, if I am honest I do love black men, I can't and will never hide that. Nonetheless, even with my bad experiences that I may have had in dating some men I never really bashed Nigerian men, because to me that would be bashing my father and my brother. I realized that these were traits of the individual not of the masses.

I have a friend that states she would never marry a Nigerian man because her views on life are different from what the 'typical' Nigerian man wants. For example, she wants to move to France for a couple of years to learn french then later re-locate to Sweden for a long portion of her life. She said what Nigerian Man would just up and leave their job and follow their wives dreams, she replied none! I couldn't help but disagree with her, and I wondered if her reply was because she was still very young. First and foremost no man of any race or culture I can imagine would up and leave a job without knowing that they would be able to find a job where they are relocating. Secondly, I know many Nigerian men that love to travel and make it an effort to see the world as much as they can! Thirdly, in a relationship when decisions are being made the two parties talk and compromise, that is what marriage is a life long relationship of the two CC's: communication and compromise. She rolled her eyes at my response saying, "Please the average Nigerian man will say no without thinking and say its my house or because I say so, plus many of them cheat."

I sighed, infidelity is not an African trait. It is a trait that men and women alike, regardless of race may experience when they do not have self control and/or was at that wrong place at the wrong time. If one does not have morals nor self control that is when men and women alike fall into situations of infidelity. I am sure Indians, Asians, Hispanics and Caucasians alike all have these issues saying their men cheat, but to put that on a whole race or culture is unfair. There are black men that cheat but their are White, Hispanic, and Asian men that cheat as well. Please do not label one race with this trait unless you can talk from experience and even then it is only your experience.

Another friend of mine was dating a black woman from the Dominican Republic a well behaved and respectable girl, had a job and no kids, she seemed perfect! I knew they were gonna get married after university but they didn't because his family wanted him to marry a Nigerian woman. I paused and listened to him. Inside I was angry you wasted three years of this poor girls life and you are breaking up with her because your family wants you to marry a Nigerian girl? Then he made a comment like I have dated white girls and they are more docile and don't have attitudes like black girls. I laughed. He wondered why I was laughing. I replied: 'First and foremost your black girlfriend that you just broke up with is docile, respectable, pretty, and well-behaved, and you broke up with her because she wasn't Nigerian. Fair enough. But then you go onto compare black women to white women. All black women don't have attitudes, and not all white women are docile. And finally if you are honest with yourself, you do want to marry a Black woman specifically a Nigerian woman because if you didn't you wouldn't have adhered to your families wishes and broken up with this girl. You would have fought for your love and stood your ground because you love this girl but you didn't! Why? because deep down inside you really want to marry a Nigerian girl." He looked at me shocked because I told him as friend point blank about himself.

In both friends I saw a bit of confusion as well as preconceived bias about Nigerian and/or black men and women. I have no problem with inter-racial dating but I strongly dislike those that bash men and women of their own race. If you consistently bash black women or black men and never date them: I automatically think you have issues. There is a sense of internalized self hatred and you are trying to avoid any and everything that reminds you of who you are. I just don't understand how a man can bash a woman of his own race, because indirectly you are bashing your mother, your sister, and future daughters...sadly.

The stereotypes of  black women having attitudes, being too aggressive, or having multiple children out of wedlock is aggravating. People in general may have 'attitudes', and I hate when a black women is assertive it is seen as aggressive. When I moved to England from the DMV (Washington, D.C. area- D.C. MD and VA) I have met many Asian and white women that have these so called stereotypical traits of black women. I have seen countless white women with two to three children out of wedlock on benefits in the UK, and white and Asian women that have attitudes. However, when other races have these stereotypical traits it is seen as: 'oh they are from a lower socio-economic class.' Yet when black women possess these traits or have this baggage it is a trait of black women regardless of class. Not everyone that is poor is uneducated, ghetto, or unintelligent and just because someone has money does not mean they are well poised, intelligent or as the British say 'posh'.

All in all stereotypes exist for all races, cultures, and classes, unfortunately it seems the black race suffers most from them, or maybe I just feel this way because I am black (who knows). Thus whether you are White, Asian, Hispanic, Purple, or Blue; every race has their own stereotypes, but to internalize these stereotypes and bash people of your own race is disheartening to me. There are good people out there, be open minded and don't let stereotypes or past experiences cloud your judgment. Now from what I have seen most people are not talking from experience and if they are how many experiences would justify writing off an entire race, i digress.

So the question is: are these stereotypes or personal experiences?

Ag